I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
