you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
