That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
