I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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