Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
