i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
