everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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