My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
