I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
