This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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