My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
