we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
