Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
