Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
