Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
