It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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