I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
