I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize