Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
