girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
