Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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