then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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