so that wasnt chicken after all
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
