I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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