We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
smell my finger.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
