i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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