I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will be naked everywhere
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
