i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
