I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
