My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
