Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
