Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
