your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
