You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
