I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
