hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
