I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
