the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
