Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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