I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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