I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
