my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
