Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
