Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
