Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
