I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
