He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
