I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
