remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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