Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
