I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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