I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Even my vagina gasped.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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