When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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