the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ttyl tear gas
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
