9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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