he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
