I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
