i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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