WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
