Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
