I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
