Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
