i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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