She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
