i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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