NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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