I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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