If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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