Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
