your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
