I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
