apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
