thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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