I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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