Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
