Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
