Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
