How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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