how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize