her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
