we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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