Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
