Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A+ Viking dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
