I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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