You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
