I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am naked and annoyed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
