Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
