Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
