and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize