I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
