He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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