How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
