The maid of honor just puked.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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