I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize