I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
