Buhtt sex?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize