Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We need to get me chipped asap
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
