woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
