it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
