oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
