Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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