No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
