well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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