i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there was a trapeze. enough said
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize