found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
