this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
