Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want to make a zoo with you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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