I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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