Your face is a jimmy john
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Threesome in a minivan. New low
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize