I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My vagina just recognized that song.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
