I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
