So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
