6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize