Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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