Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
