i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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