Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
