also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
