I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I smell stomach acid.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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