Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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