Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
soo... how was my night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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