You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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