Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
