look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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