My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
