Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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